Sunday, January 2, 2011

And the two shall become one.

Genesis 2:24 “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
This verse was quoted during my wedding ceremony, and I’ve thought about them a time or two during my six and a half year marriage, but not like I’ve thought of them in the past few days.  I honestly always thought of the verse in a sexualized manner.  The two shall be come one flesh—sounds a little “fleshy”.  This week, however, the words came alive to me in quite a different way.  Here’s the quick back story on how I came to a different conclusion. 
My husband, Lonnie, decided to take a new job that will take him away from home from time to time.  Unfortunately, the first time he is away from home is the first 2-3 weeks of the new job.  You see, we live in Maryland and his job training is in Michigan.  On a map, it doesn’t seem too far, but in reality, it’s about 10 hours away and 590 miles away.  The issue is that he’ll be there for 2 weeks straight, although he’ll be attempting to come home on the weekends.
I’ve known about this job change for about a month; and to be transparently truthful, I’ve been dreading this change from the beginning, because I knew he’d be away from home for a while.  I’ve been putting it in the back of my mind for quite some time now, but the days on the calendar don’t just stop.  No, they just keeping ticking by, and for this past week, I’ve been brutally reminded at every step that I was about to be alone without my mate, my partner in crime.  Seneca said, “Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.”  
Indeed, time was too swift for me-and it wasn’t until last night that I realized what my true feelings were.  I was fearful, lonely, sad and out of balance.
I was Fearful-that Lonnie would befall an accident and not return home. 
I was Lonely- because my teammate and best friend would be leaving me to fend for myself. 
I was Sad- because I was feeling sorry for myself for missing him and being alone. 
I was Out of balance- because my life will not be in full balance again until he returns and we are united again as a team, best friends, lovers and as a family.

You see seven years ago, on March 6, we said “I do” to one another. I said to him:  “I, Lori, take you Lonnie, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.”  Then at the end of the ceremony the pastor said, “What God has joined together let no man put asunder.”  That day we made promises to one another.   A promise, I pray, that will never be broken.  A covenant was made to God and my husband that day.   But more than that, we were joined together in unity.  At the time I didn’t realize how different it was going to make me feel.  I was no longer my own person…I became an amalgamation of two people.  We merged together to become one entity.  
I realized yesterday just how intertwined we have become.  Upon some self-evaluation, I couldn’t believe how co-dependent I had become!  Really!!  I mean, when I was single, I was very independent.  I made my own money, I had my own place, drove my own car…I didn’t need anyone’s help (except for when I needed some help LOL).  I probably made fun of people just like myself now, being too dependent on a man.  I’m sure some of you reading this will think I’m crazy and should get a little more gumption.  I have to say to you, that I wouldn’t want to be any other way.  You see, I am just as co-dependent as he is to me.  We have literally become ONE unit.  For example, we are no longer two fifty cent pieces; we are a one dollar bill.  Notice that I made our monetary value go up ~ that is for a reason.  I am a better person because Lonnie is my partner.  He inspires me to want to be a better me.  I hope that I inspire him in the same way.  When one of us falls, the other is there to help pick the other one up. 
Just the two of us isn’t true balance and unity, though.  If I only focused on Lonnie, I would have no time to focus on my relationship with Christ.  The same goes for Lonnie.  Without our relationship with Christ, we’re just aimless people who happen to meet up from time to time.  I could try to be completely dependent on Lonnie, but he is human and would let me down, as I would do for him.  Without God in our lives, without the grace of His son Jesus, there would be no perfect unity.  When God show’s me mercy and grace, it overflows into my life and I then show mercy to Lonnie.  Where mercy is shown, mercy is given.  If I am not in the Word or on my knees regularly, that broken relationship with the Lord begins to flood my other relationships, most importantly my marriage.
Honestly, that’s exactly what was happening.  I have been lax with my time with the Lord and now looking back on the past few weeks, I see how that has impacted my relationship with Lon.  Matthew 12:34b says, “For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.”  My mouth was speaking frustrated, angry words, instead of loving, compassionate, kind words because my heart was full of anger instead of the word of God.  I pretty much wasted my last few weeks with him by not keeping my relationship with the Lord strong.  I also made life more painful for myself and Lonnie because I was so worked up and selfish with my feelings. If I had prayed about the situation sincerely and let God fill me where I was feeling empty and release control to Him, I would’ve been more loving and compassionate to him.  Sure I had muttered a few fifteen second prayers, but nothing heartfelt, nothing that if overheard would’ve suggested I was actually having a dialogue with my friend Jesus.  I have a vivid memory of doing this very thing once before—you know, not praying about a situation and keeping God at arm’s length---and I was miserable!!!  I guess God was showing me that I hadn’t quite learned the lesson yet—since I failed the test.
My prayer is that I would remember to include God in my every thought, in every situation.  Without God as a part of my marriage to Lonnie, we would be a flat tire—out of balance and out of work, worth nothing.  The lesson is: the two shall become one + one (God). 


Rosemary Morgan said...

I'm so glad to see that you are blogging. I look forward to your next post.

Denise said...

Hi Lori- just wanted to let you know I'm reading this, and thinking about you.


JoAnn from MD said...

Hi Lori, Oh, I remember that day like it was yesterday. My SunnyBoy getting married.... He certainly picked a GEM of a woman, and we couldn't be more happy for him! Now you've become a loving family and that fills my heart with an inner peace. Yet another blessing God has given me.

Sometimes our paths arn't so clear. I certainly understand your frustration. Seperation for any amount of time from your loved one is never easy. Change is fearful and difficult, but you have to look up... remember why this seperation is necessary now.

I spoke with Lonnie several weeks ago. He told me about this new position and being away for training. He told me it's been a job he's been very interested in since getting his CDL years ago. I want to let you know how thankful I am to you for understanding and agreeing with him to pursue this dream. I know how very much he loves you and Vaden. He is doing this with one goal in mind to make a better life for HIS FAMILY.

We pray that God will be with him while he travels these roads, and also that God will give you the peace and patience that you will need until he returns. No doubt it will be difficult, but you both share an amazing unity. Although apart by miles you are both working together for your future and your child's future. Because of your strong Faith in The Almighty and in each other you both will succeed in life's journey.

I am here to help in whatever way, just call me. Love U Bunches, Ma

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